This is a quote that was sent out in a work email. It was in my inbox right after my post about being defeated. I know this quote was meant to be motivational to the sales team, but I viewed it differently.
I viewed it as a mom who is doing her best and feeling as if her best will never be enough.
I viewed it as a wife who never has time for her husband.
I viewed it as a person who has lost herself and can not seem to get it together.
I viewed it as an inadequate friend.
Normally, I delete these emails because they really have nothing to do with me... I always read the quotes before I do(I heart good quotes). This email, however, I didn't delete. I kept going back to it and staring at that quote. Just pondering... unsure how I felt about it.
Eventually, I realized that I didn't have to take it like it sounds. I can view it differently. Two years ago I WOULD have viewed it differently. I would have taken it for what it is and made myself better. I use to be good at that... finding a way to overcome anything. I never failed and I was proud of that.
I think that I need to go back to the old Lora. I know I will never totally be the same person that I use to be, but I know I can find a happier place than this. Even half way to my old self will be better than where I am today.
I have decided that I need to reorganize me. Get the things I can control back in order so that I can be better at handling the things I can't control.
I NEED to get a handle on the craziness that surrounds me before I go crazy.
Thinking back to the quote... I still wish it was easier, gosh who doesn't? But since it can't be... I am going to work on making myself better... like I would have before D came along.
12 comments:
I'm with you on this one, except i think I've already gone crazy. ;)
I have had to let some things go in the past weeks which wasn't easy to do, but amazingly enough I have felt more at ease since doing so. I think working at making yourself better is great advice for us all. Thank you for sharing. :)
Personally, I don't really like that quote. (and I am a sucker for a good quote). WISHING???
I am more of a 'do-er' or the type who just lets things go, so wishing doesn't really fit into my way of doing things.
I think you are too, Lora. Just going out on a limb here to say you either get the job done or delegate it off. I 'get' that from your writing - you may be completely different in real life, but as a D-mom 'wishing' doesn't fit in the equation because it doesn't get anything done and we loose time feeling bad about it if it isn't done ........ so let it go.
I am happy to hear you are getting some of your mojo back. Keep looking in that mirror and reminding yourself you are a hero to a very special boy named Justin. THAT is a rockstar title and someone like that doesn't just 'wish.'
Sending you some happy holiday cheer. I get the place you're at, I'm not a fan of that quote right now either, but I realize that there is a time and a place for all emotions. Don't deny that either. I hope you know you're never alone, you're not far from many of our thoughts and we don't see you as harshly as you're seeing yourself.
take care and enjoy this weekend :)
I hear you. I mean, isn't that all we do? Try to make ourselves better so that we can fight this beast? I get it, Lora. For the first time EVER I'm getting my ass kicked by something that I can't control. I've always been able to control things. And this I can't. And I hate it. And I don't reognze myself either. I just said today that I seriously needed to start taking care of me. Because I haven't been. Not for almost two years. You are not alone. D changes us. It does. But it doesn't have to kill our spirit. We MUST find a way back. Love you, girl!
AND again...I am reminded of this comment by Lorraine from This Is Caleb...
"I've lived most of my life rewarded by hard work and determination. There's nothing I can think of that I have been more determined or worked harder to succeed at than diabetes. Diabetes has the power to spit in the face of hard work and determination. It can eat away at you..."
...AND eat away at me it does sometimes. It is one thing I cannot control, which can spiral into a whole whirlwind of outta control shit, making my life seem like it is on unstable ground. Love you...and I already think you are the tops!
Reyna stole my comment!-- as a person I get the quote. As a D mom I dont like it. Whatever it is I hope you start feeling better about you for you and no one else! Btw girl I think YOU fuckin rock. Period.
Me too!!!!
Like you...I need to reorganize myself. I have lost myself completely. Lora it's bad. I'm so fat...
So many d-moms have written about this lately. We need to figure out some sort of accountability plan or something to get us back in the groove.
We all want to change, but we don't. Or can't. I don't know.
But I do know that I still think you are great even though there are things you want to work on. You encourage and inspire me nonetheless!
I love you for that! : )
Thanks for sharing this quote. I think it's a great perspective and you've got an awesome attitude. And sometimes that's what it's all about - our attitudes. Not that we can't falter every once in a while. :)
your post really spoke to me. I have been thinking too how I can reorginze my life to make me happier and a better version of the me I used to be. thank you for letting me know there is someone else thinking the same thing
Easy, success, win.... they all mean something different to us than the rest of the world. Doing our best is the best. When 2+2 don't equal 4 the rules all change. They don't know the rules, so they don;t quite get it. Some try, and God bless them for that. But we have higher stakes with goals that can't be measured, and perfection that can't be achieved. So I say: Don't wish that things were easier... Let's just get the old normal back and in the mean time keep those we love safe and healthy.
I pretty much think that quote can suck it. You are an amazing woman trying to fight a disease that does not play fair. It cheats...and there is nothing we can do about it. I have no doubt that you will make the changes needed to bring back happy Lora. You are strong. You are wonderful. You are a rockstar D Mama. Us moms have an awful habit of being really hard on ourselves. Cut yourself some slack, look in the mirror and SEE the warrior that you are! Love you!
I'm with Meri..that quote can suck it! (Love you Meri!) As for wishing things were easier...that part I get. I wish things were easier for my baby (not necessarily for me). But, I'll say it again...suck it Mr. Quotey-Quote! My Lora doesn't need to be better!!
I think that your idea of organizing or controlling the things around us that might make us crazy is a good start to being ok with our new selves. I am going to take your advice and look for the controllable things. Where shall I start? Hmmm...Hubby? (Na..not controllable!) Kids? (Not exactly.) Laundry. (Oh crap! Don't make me start with laundry!!!!!)
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