I just wanted to add a little explanation to yesterdays post...
I probably should have mentioned that what I copied over from Scott's blog was only part of his story. It was a small part of a whole post that happened to get to me when I read it(Sorry Scott).
I would also like to throw out that I am not a crazy mess. For the most part... I AM okay with our daily grind. Justin is happy and neither of us spend our afternoons at a poor pitiful me party crying our eyes out. We do ignore diabetes in our life until its time to deal with it throughout the day(or night). But no matter what you wish... sometimes it can get the best of the best of us. And the main point was that... it's okay.
Having a rough couple of days doesn't mean I choose to live in sadness. It doesn't mean that I drag Justin down with me... I certainly do not. My feelings are not, nor will they ever be, his burden to carry. They are my own.
It just means I need to get it out in order to keep truckin. It's how I re-boot. It helps ME to get all MY bottled up emotion out. It helps ME stay positive for Justin and lift him up when diabetes stops playing fair.
I think this time of year is somewhat tough for me because this is when it all started. I can look back at pictures from 4 years ago and visably see the weightloss that should have been a clue to what was coming... but I didn't see it. So pile that on top of the vomiting due to a high bg's and broken pudding promises(whole other story)
among a few other things and it got to me; and for a short time I allowed it.
Now I can move on.
I probably should have mentioned that what I copied over from Scott's blog was only part of his story. It was a small part of a whole post that happened to get to me when I read it(Sorry Scott).
I would also like to throw out that I am not a crazy mess. For the most part... I AM okay with our daily grind. Justin is happy and neither of us spend our afternoons at a poor pitiful me party crying our eyes out. We do ignore diabetes in our life until its time to deal with it throughout the day(or night). But no matter what you wish... sometimes it can get the best of the best of us. And the main point was that... it's okay.
Having a rough couple of days doesn't mean I choose to live in sadness. It doesn't mean that I drag Justin down with me... I certainly do not. My feelings are not, nor will they ever be, his burden to carry. They are my own.
It just means I need to get it out in order to keep truckin. It's how I re-boot. It helps ME to get all MY bottled up emotion out. It helps ME stay positive for Justin and lift him up when diabetes stops playing fair.
I think this time of year is somewhat tough for me because this is when it all started. I can look back at pictures from 4 years ago and visably see the weightloss that should have been a clue to what was coming... but I didn't see it. So pile that on top of the vomiting due to a high bg's and broken pudding promises(whole other story)
among a few other things and it got to me; and for a short time I allowed it.
Now I can move on.
5 comments:
Hey, we all have 'those' days when everything seems to strike a nerve and everything seems like the last straw and we just have to let those emotions take over for a bit so we can get back up and move on.
No judgement here, my friend! Only love, support, understanding, and HUGS!!!
Oh Lora you're not a crazy mess at all (although I do feel I am quite often with the lack of sleep and general feeling of chaos around here!) I think your post was very honest, I just had to read Scott's post to figure out where his deep feeling were coming from - that mortality moment hits hard after a death of people important to you. I really appreciate that you shared it and your personal response. Take care and have a lovely weekend :)
Many hugs, my friend.
I love raw transparency.
Not that I love that you had "a moment"...but that you're willing to put those feelings "out there". I need to know I'm not alone when these moments creep in.
Thanks for the reminder.
scl
Totally GOT your previous post. I don't think it means you are crazy or a Debbie Downer. It shows that you are human and that you are willing to share that with your readers...which, btw, makes you even MORE loveable.
xo
I might think you are CrAzY!! But a mess, no way!! You are totally human. You are totally a mama! We want to protect our kids. We want to make everything alright for them. D stands in the way of that! You are not alone, and I'm thankful to you for letting me know that I'm not alone either! Luv ya!
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