Choosing...

“The problem, simply put, is that we cannot choose everything simultaneously. So we live in danger of becoming paralyzed by indecision, terrified that every choice might be the wrong choice.” ― Elizabeth Gilbert

Here I am again. It's 1:30 in the morning and I can't sleep. My head and stomach are in knots because there is a.n.o.t.h.e.r meeting.

Freaking meetings... Kill me now!

This time it is to come up with a plan for standardized testing. Last month, Justin's 504 wasn't followed during FCAT's. One day his bg wasn't tested at all and the next they allowed him to start testing with a bg of 61.

I spent four weeks asking for someone to get back with me so that we could "find a resolution".
And for four weeks those calls/emails went unanswered.

Until I emailed the county superintendent.

Unfortunately, you could tell by the tone in her voice, the AP was quite "ticked" when she called me. I pray this doesn't set the tone when we meet next week. #nothopeful

I worry that this will be a bashing session, rather than a solution meeting. Because that is exactly what the phone call was. I am not ignorant to the reality that the challenges over the past school year have damaged the lines of communication(if there really were any to begin with). Its been a rough year. Lot's of "that is not our responsibility" and you need to contact so and so... who send you to so and so #2 who then sends you to so and so #3 who ultimately send you back to the original so and so.

I have two choices here... keep him there or move him. Each option is a win/loose situation.

Keeping him there...
I honestly don't think they are ever going to work with me. I've been labeled to the point where they don't even bother to answer an email. All for advocating for my child. Justin has been labeled as well. My confidence in "the system" is gone. Justin is struggling emotionally and it's not worth all this stress on either of us. Can I even survive two more years of this?

However, his sister is there. I don't have to worry about him on the bus because I know she is watching him. I don't have to worry about transportation. He has friends there... kids that he has gone to school with since kindergarten. It's pure bullshit that he should be yanked out of his neighborhood school because they can't get their shit together. He.has.the.right.to.be.there!

If I move him...
I don't know how I am going to get him back and forth. This will be a challenge for the next two years. He will not go to high school with any of the kids at the new school so he will have to start all over socially. This is a big challenge for a shy kid with confidence/emotional struggles(and she begins to cry). I would have to choose a new school and deal with all the worries of making the right choice. Justin and I would have to live with the consequences if I choose wrong.

But, I could start fresh with a new "team" that may be more willing to help him( that is if they haven't been warned about his witch of a mother). A team that may be more compassionate. I would start a new year hopeful. Maybe I could even stop crying and get some sleep. Maybe I could even stop stress eating... MAYBE.

I just don't know what to do. You can not imagine how much this is killing me. I only want what is best for him. I only want him to succeed and be happy. But reality is I am am failing. He is struggling and he is unhappy. He needs a break. WE need a break.